Peero007

This is a true life story that may have happened or hasn't happened yet, but can, will & may happen one day to one dude out there, you really want to question how it is a true life story and it hasn't happened yet? No you don't. I met Vyonne (See, we fought over this name very much when I called her Yvonne instead of Vyonne, so please comply too) on one of these online social platforms, twitter precisely, we were just followers, guys, you know how it feels when a female with a pretty avi tells you "hi dear, kindly follow back", then you're grinning from ear to ear and already strategizing how to "catch the fish" and after countless number of unretweeted/unreplied mentions & DMs (Direct Messages), you just give up. One day, one thing leads to another and you see her flying into your DM. Such was the case of Vyonne, I cannot remember what, all I remember is I got a twitter DM notification, opened it and voila, Vyonne had landed in my DM, I fe

Okay, here we are again, I've been getting calls from the professional amebos, tatafos, ekes to drop the gist Papi had with Ekaette, after much pondering and careful consideration, I and the council of elders have decided, well, let's just forget what the gist was about, seeing as some things said are better left not talked about, I'll rather not relay our private convo to you all. Please return to what you were doing, thank you for your time. -lmao- una too like tatafo. Just so I can sleep well without the witches amongst you coming to disturb me in my sleep, I'll just give you excerpts. A quick bath, then I made for the kitchen, the only thing on my mind was food, and Ekaette sure knew how to make her way to a man's heart through his belly.       "Ahn ahn, Papi, you sure say you baff so abi na rub & shine you do?" Ekaette asked       "Hahaha, but I no fall inside soakaway, why I go tey inside bafroom" I replied, then she laughed, there

I stayed at Madam's for a long while (Don't ask me her name, 'cause even till tomorrow, I do not know), she had a supermarket and put me in charge, well she recorded losses all the while I was there so while she was counting her losses, I was gaining weight tremendously- What? Why are your eyebrows raised like I stole stuff? Calm down, let me tell you how it happened, before you judge me. What better way to explain to a customer how good an edible product is than to have a taste as the marketer? Catch my drift? If you like don't understand, darris ya business , I was only fulfilling my obligatory rights as the Manager of the supermarket, if I hear you refer to my my managerial post as "sales boy" I'll go spiritual on you. I was suspended and asked to remain at home, all the better for me, I grew taller & bigger, many thanks to Ekaette, she sure knew how to spoil me silly with food, staying at home was fun for me 'cause all I did was eat well, rea

Happy Christmas in advance and Merry New Year, even if it's the 31st day in December 2015 and I haven't seen/met you or spoken to you, I'll still wish you a merry new year. Anyway, that's that about that. How many of you have ever been apprentices? like you're taken somewhere to learn a trade or skill, that thing is not easy ooo. After JAMB, rather than constitute a nuisance at home, my Uncle thought it proper that I learn a skill, first he tried to introduce me to the "okada" business, after a couple of fails as a result of too many falls, I gave up. He then took me to a mechanic to learn, I was there for three days, on the fourth day my oga and his friend were chatting, then he called me to go buy food for him- only him ooo, now the distance between the mechanic's workshop and the food seller's was like from one end of the red sea to the other end, don't ask me how I know the red sea, na so i waka go buy the food inside hot sun, I bought

12:00am 1/1/2015 It was going well, I was at the crossover watch night service (if you dare correct me, it's a new year, so I'll just smile and bless you), after the normal shouts of "happy new year" coupled with the hugs, handshakes & back pats, I believed the next thing should have been thanksgiving, the grace, then home-bound, I had plans, plans to give my church crush a very warm after-service heartfelt message of love & even offer to take her out and spoil her silly, but the Pastor said he wanted us to pray just two prayer points- only two, that was good enough or it was good enough till two prayer points became ten prayer points, okay, we finished praying, then another Pastor came up to collect the offering, "yes, at least after this, we'll say the grace and proceed with my plan" I thought to myself. After the offering was done, the previous Pastor came back to the pulpit, perhaps to lead "the grace", alas! he started his speech,

Three important queues in the yard, queue to fetch water, to bath and to use the toilet. I queued to fetch water, the water was for two purposes, to bath and to flush the toilet, deciding which one to do first depended on the length of the queue, I put the two buckets of water in front of our room, to take something inside, na so I waka comot for room come meet empty buckets, You don't know the meaning of mixed emotions till you're in that situation, I wasn't sure whether to shout, cry, be angry, sad or just laugh. Then I saw splashes of water on the floor, I traced the water to Oga Johnbull's "dormot", you can guess what I did, I went to get my buckets, just as I was about to turn the water, Oga Johnbull opened the door and saw me.       "Small boy, wetin you dey do so?, so na you dey tif tif water abi, you no even fear, you wan tif my water" My legs became like cooked spaghetti and I became a stammerer all at once       "O-o-oga Joh-johnbu

Good day yardists, to the average Nigerian there's really nothing good about the day and I'm a Nigerian, the Nigerian, in fact I am the average Nigerian. Anyway, as you all know, my name is Papi & no it's not a nickname, that's my name, see, let's not fuss over my name except say na you born me or na you name me or you dey there when them born me. In my previous epistle, I talked about the yard and it's occupants, briefly I'll talk about my Uncle, his battalion and how we all had to squeeze ourselves in just two rooms. Before I came to Lagos, each time my Uncle came to the village, he always created the impression that Lagos was like London and he bragged about his very many "properties", yes properties in quotes because the only properties I knew he owned were his "okada", a pregnant wife and eight children- you sef open mouth abi, na so ooo, now imagine all of us occupying just two rooms, na real suffer, but all of them seemed happ

I cannot categorically tell you what the exact definition of yard, yardist and yardism is, it is my oga at the top @ tonypox a.k.a Overlord, Voltron, Yardist, Akara Lord, Poximillus Akarahimovic ati beebee lo that will tell you that one. In my previous epistle I told you I came to stay with my supposedly rich Uncle in a supposedly big oyinbo-like city called Lagos- don't blame me, blame my naivety (this naivety has suffered, we keep blaming him/her for all our stupidity). Where my Uncle stayed was a very big yard, the main building had ten rooms downstairs, ten upstairs, ten rooms lined the fence and five shops in front of the house, oh it was four shops and the fifth one was converted to two rooms, so in all, there were thirty two rooms and all were occupied, the whole yard had access to only three bathrooms, when you hear "bathroom", you envisage a tiled room with a tub/shower tray and faucets, biko no dey deceive ya mind, bathroom in this context refers to "baf