Peero007

Papi- Back in Lagos My mission to the village did not go as planned. The original plan was to storm the village and impress those villagers, but the reverse was the case, I was oppressed out of the village by my parents and cousins, but I did not allow that depress me, rather I was determined to just go back to Lagos and brood (Were you expecting some motivational desire to inspire so you can acquire what you require before you retire without getting tired crap?) The trip to the village was awesome and comfortable, even though my heart was in my mouth throughout the flight, but you see the trip back to Lagos- My God! I suffered, I mean I saw terrible things on the bus I boarded. It all started when a woman with 5 children got on the bus and paid for only the space she was occupying, and without asking whether I was okay with the arrangement, she asked me to carry two of the children, two squeezed themselves between us, while she carried the last child. It was one ordeal to d...

I got to the village feeling like I just got back from “the abroad”, I mean I even called my Dad to ask if he could send someone to come pick me up from the airport (so he’ll know I came by flight, if you dare laugh, I’ll deal with you), he said there was no one, I could have come out of the airport and used public transport, but no, I wanted them to know I had arrived, so I used the airport’s car hire service, and the cost was enough to take me back to Lagos by bus, but I was not bothered, I had to hit our house in grand style (una know as e dey go when onwa December don reach na). The moment we left the airport, I had to ask to be certain I was in the right place, ‘cause everything had changed, the roads tarred, beautiful cars and buildings everywhere, it was a sharp contrast with what I left, then the road was red earth, there were no beautiful buildings, just trees, we had electric poles without wires, now there was power- real development. We got to my Father’s house a...

Everyone is so eager to know how my first flight went, seeing as I goofed to a girl I was toasting that I needed a visa to go to owerri (see ehnnnn, if you just do pimmm, I'll appear there and give you a knock), you need to see how I was counting down to the date I was supposed to leave, to others i was just flying within Nigeria, but to me, man I was flying round the world, in short the feeling was just inexplicable. The night before the day I was to leave was a memorable one, Ekaette invited me to her room to see a movie, one hell of a horror movie? i don't know, all I remember was that barely two minutes into the movie, we got distracted & concentrated on each other instead (please don't ask what we did) It was one sweet marathon- okay that's already too much information. I was up before everyone and prepared to embark on my journey, you need to see how I dressed up, honestly you would think I was headed for the moon.       "Papi, are you okay?" ...

Daily Conversions Christmas day celebration is a very big thing in my family, so big that my siblings anywhere in the world will never miss it, they always fly back home, it’s something I always look forward to ‘cause it’s all shades of mad fun with plenty of good food. On the morning of Christmas eve, one lady I had been tracking for five years (Do you want to laugh? Do you know how many years it took Jacob before he got his heartthrob?) just called me.      “Hi Papi”      “Hello Dear, this one that you called me after all these years, am I safe?” I asked      “Boo, I want to make it up to you” She replied. Did she say that or was my mind playing tricks on my ears.      “Network issues, sorry I didn’t get you, what did you say?” I just needed to be sure I heard correctly the first time.      “I said I called because I want to make it up to you dear” She answered. Wow, she ca...

I had a main chic and many side chics, yes "many side chics", wait! don't judge me just yet except you've never stolen meat from your Mother's pot before. Ladies always kept on coming even though they knew I had a girlfriend (call me a baller, call me a player, if two can play the game, then we're gonn' do multiplayer). Anyway as I was narrating, among the "many side chics" were my beloved muslimahs- Yetunde (Aminat), Bisi (Zainab) & Lara (Karimat). The three of them had promised me the best sallah treatment ever, whatever "best sallah treatment" meant I was so eager to find out. This was the plan, sallah was on thursday, my main girlfriend said she was sleeping over on tuesday, then I would sleep over at hers on wednesday, by first light on thursday I would be back at my crib, preparing for the groove on thursday & friday, thursday afternoon would be for Bisi, we would go to her family house together, pack as much meat as possi...

I missed my folks in the village, Tolu said I could go away for a week, and a week was just perfect. I set to planning my trip, first I needed to buy stuff, basically, gifts for my folks. I had been to balogun market twice with Tolu and Ada, this time I decided I was going alone.       "Papi you well so? Only you wan go balogun?" Ekaette asked.       "Yes na" I replied       "Papi, I'll take you there myself" Tolu added.       "Nooo, I can find my way, nothing will happen" I said.       "You're on your own ooo" Tolu said       "Trust me" I added with a wink.       "Wait, let me snap you" Tolu. I didnt know why she wanted to snap me, but I posed. I got to the market alright, I kept moving from stall to stall, looking for the best bargain, just the way the ladies did. I bought a set of boxes, the seller said it was 40K because it was "gucci", I beat the price to 25k, he ...

Picture Courtesy:  Freepik A quick recap of what happened yesterday night, Tolu and Ada dragged me to a club party, it was actually a birthday party of their friend, those parties where you buy your own drinks and end up spending much more than the celebrant. One thing about this party was there were more ladies than guys, that was the only side attraction I enjoyed, I also noticed how the "big boys" were oppressing each other with expensive drinks, caskets of drinks kept moving, champagne with pyrotechnics were on almost every table including ours, I wasn't bothered about how we got drinks, I was more concerned about my toothache and it felt like every nerve was connected to the tooth, touch my back and I would feel the pain in my tooth.       "Papi, Oya take and drink, it'll ease the pain" Tolu said, as she mixed Jack Daniel's with Coke, I took a sip, it tasted so good. That was how I forgot about the toothache and took a swig, my-oh-my!!! The wa...

Fellow Nigerians, it is with a heavy heart and a mind conscious of the fact that my battery is at 20% that I write this, a sequel to the post tagged "Relativity Of Madness", in that post, I cited various instances to make it empirically evident that madness is relative, in this sequel, we'll look at the relationship between petrol, scarcity, government, humans & madness. We live in a country where no one wants to be faulted or blamed for any shortcomings, take for instance, you get to the fuelling/filling/petrol/gas station then ask the attendant why petrol has to be sold for the exorbitant amount it is being sold, he/she just says "na manager go fit answer you",  you ask the manager, that one will tell you it's the oil marketers, those ones will blame it on the supposed "stringent" policies of the petroleum & finance ministers "MAD ION" (Decipher what "MAD ION" is and get a gift), at the end of the day, the whole b...