Village Vacation. (The Preparation)

I missed my folks in the village, Tolu said I could go away for a week, and a week was just perfect. I set to planning my trip, first I needed to buy stuff, basically, gifts for my folks. I had been to balogun market twice with Tolu and Ada, this time I decided I was going alone.

      "Papi you well so? Only you wan go balogun?" Ekaette asked.

      "Yes na" I replied

      "Papi, I'll take you there myself" Tolu added.

      "Nooo, I can find my way, nothing will happen" I said.

      "You're on your own ooo" Tolu said

      "Trust me" I added with a wink.

      "Wait, let me snap you" Tolu. I didnt know why she wanted to snap me, but I posed. I got to the market alright, I kept moving from stall to stall, looking for the best bargain, just the way the ladies did. I bought a set of boxes, the seller said it was 40K because it was "gucci", I beat the price to 25k, he agreed. I felt like a boss with the way I was bargaining. 
After buying things for my folks, I had an issue, in trying to look for the best bargain I had lost my way and I didn't notice till I had gone in different directions and arrived at the same spot where I had discovered I was lost- like six times (don't you dare blame me, every corner and stall looked the same), finally a good samaritan directed me to the park, I found my way home.
Feeling so proud of myself, I gallantly went to show the ladies that I was as good at going to the market as they were.

      "I don show" I shouted

      "This one wey you happy so" Ekaette said.

      "Papi Papi, i can delete your picture now" Tolu added

      "What picture?" I asked

      "The one I took before you left na, I snapped you just in case you got missing, so we'll have a picture to send to the police and TV stations" Tolu replied with a shrug. One look at my epic countenance sent Ekaette and Ada rolling with laughter, they were not just laughing, they were "craughing" (Craugh- To laugh so hard you cry. Oxford 2020 Edition)

      "How much did you get the boxes?" Ada asked

      "The guy said 40k, I beat it down to 25K" I replied, grinning from ear to ear.

      "Twenty what?" Tolu asked

      "25K, its cheap abi, its even Gucci" I replied.

      "Haaa Papi do you mean two thousand five hundred naira? Or 25 dollars in naija currency?" Ada asked

      "Hehehe, its even "Cucci" they wrote not "Gucci" Tolu said as she laughed.

      "my Papi you go market true true" Ada added.

      "With 9k I would have gotten you a better set Papi." Tolu said.

The ladies did the costing of the things I bought, turned out I paid much more than double the price for everything, I was just too weak to feel bad.
Next day, I decided to go to computer village to get phones for my parents. I didnt tell the ladies where I was going though, I just said I was coming back soon. I got to computer village, the place was as rowdy as ever and it seemed like the sun was focusing all of its energy there, I had to do the needful, which was going into "Slot", Hold on, I'm not like many of you that enter there just to window shop and most especially to enjoy free AC, I actually went in there with the intention to buy, I went round the store for a while & NO I was not window shopping like you all do, neither was it for the AC, I was just taking my time, looking for affordable phones. I finally picked one for my Dad, but there was no smaller one there to pick for my Mom, while on the queue to make payments, a soldier came and politely requested he join the queue before me, without hesitation, i stepped back for him to enter- I mean who was I to refuse- Na soldier ooo.
After making the payments, I stepped out of Slot to look for where I could get a smaller phone for my Mom, that was how I started roaming the streets of computer village till I got lost, at a point I just stopped to get my bearing, I just entered any shop, bought a small phone and was prepared to head home, as I stepped out of the shop, I walked a little then stopped, I was looking for a friendly face to ask directions but everybody seemed to be frowning and walking very fast. While standing, a young man carrying a parcel just ran up to me.
      "O boy abeg help me hold this thing I wan quickly do something for back" he said.
      "Okay" I replied as I foolishly accepted (if you as much as call me foolish, I will deal with you, just call my naivety- naive) I dont even know who was more foolish, the one that gave a stranger a parcel to hold for him or the one who collected.

I stood, waiting for the dude and hoping I would find a smiling good samaritan to direct me to the bus-stop. Down the street, what looked like a mob was coming in my direction and shouting "ole, thief", I had heard different stories about mob actions in Lagos, but I had never witnessed one, so I smiled at myself because I felt I was about to witness one, there I was anticipating one nice show till the mob got to me and I realized I was the show.
      "Thief, so na you enter my shop, carry my thing" A man who seemed like the leader of the mob said, pointing at the parcel in my hand, before I could even defend myself, I was already being dealt several eye-blackening, lip-breaking, jaw-shifting, rib-cracking blows. Then i heard "wey tyre", "bring petrol", but for the somewhat timely intervention (yes, "somewhat timely" why didnt he come before they started beating me *side eye*) of the soldier I saw earlier at Slot, perhaps I would have met my end that day, then the cause of the whole thing appeared.

      "Na him be that, na him say make I help am hold am" I screamed, pointing at the guy.

      "Wetin dey happen here?" The guy asked.

      "No mind this thief, he enter my shop thief this thing" the mob leader said, pointing at the parcel and me.

      "Emeka, no be you say make I quickly go drop this thing for the other store, I just tell this bros make me help me hold am, hot shit catch me for road" The guy replied. Where other soldiers surfaced from still baffles me, some members of the mob were quick and lucky to escape, the unlucky ones got punished by the soldiers including the mob leader and the one that gave me the parcel. I was taken to the mob leader's store by the soldiers and asked to take any two phones of my choice- BINGO!!!

And that was my near-death experience at computer village, an experience I would never forget. Finally I was directed to the bus-stop & found my home.

      "Papi, where you go? Wetin do you?" Ekaette asked

      "Long story" I replied, I was just beginning to narrate my ordeal to Ekaette when Tolu stepped in

      "Jesus! Papi did you get into a fight?" Tolu asked. I narrated what I went through, while Ekaette dressed the cuts and as usual they laughed. It took about three days for the aches to subside. 

We got tickets for one comedy show in Abuja courtesy Tolu's friends, unfortunately the date fell when I would already be in the village.

      "Ehyah, Papi won't go with us and na flight ooo" Adaeze said.

      "Its true ooo, Ekaette will go in his place then" Tolu answered

      "Wait, flight?" I asked

      "Yes na, flight, to and fro" Tolu answered.

      "Mad fun" Adaeze added

      "Awww, see his face has changed" Tolu added.

      "Don't worry baby, we'll fill you in when we get back... Imagine Me, Tolu & Ekaette, ladies night out" Adaeze said

      "I don't think I'll join you ladies" Ekaette

      "No just bring that leg come ooo" Tolu snapped at Ekaette.

      "Ekaette dear, one day you'll become a housewife and regret not having the fun you could while growing." Adaeze said.

      "Leave her, don't mind her, she's just joking" Tolu added. All this while my mind had wandered far away, I was imagining the flight, the pictures I would snap, the lies I would tell when I posted the pictures online, I'll be like "airport thingz" "enroute yankee", I unconsciously smiled at the thoughts.

      "Papi, are you okay, why are you smiling?" Tolu asked.

      "I was imagining you three having fun together" I lied.

      "That smile looked more like you imagined all of us in a foursome" Tolu said with a mischievous grin.

      "No oooo" I replied.

      "So Papi, your journey, when are you leaving?" Adaeze asked.

      "Next tuesday" I answered

      "Where's your village again?" Tolu asked

      "In Imo state" I replied

      "Oh, you can take a flight to Owerri, then take a cab to your place, very easy trip, I'm from Imo too, that's how I travel" Adaeze said. I wasn't sure I had heard correctly, did she say I could fly to the village?

      "Flight to Owerri?" I asked, I needed to be certain I heard well.

      "Yeah, sure, no hassles of seating on a bus for hours" Adaeze replied.

      "Wait, Papi you didn't know?" Tolu asked

      "No I didn't" I answered.

      "It's better to book a return ticket online right now" Adaeze answered.

      "Just sell those two extra phones you got from computer village, it'll cover your fare" Tolu suggested.

They did the online booking for me, I felt like I was travelling abroad, I told one fine lady I was  toasting on BBM that I had an appointment for my VISA, she asked where I was going, I told her "Owerri", she first insulted me then deleted me off BBM, blocked me on whatsapp and "unfriended" me on facebook, I didnt understand why she reacted that way till at dinner I asked Tolu when we would go for my VISA, the three ladies almost choked on their food, while rolling with laughter. I just looked at them, shook my head and wondered why bad things happened to good people- like me.