Ladies Of Lagos pt1.

Picture Courtesy: Freepik

A quick recap of what happened yesterday night, Tolu and Ada dragged me to a club party, it was actually a birthday party of their friend, those parties where you buy your own drinks and end up spending much more than the celebrant. One thing about this party was there were more ladies than guys, that was the only side attraction I enjoyed, I also noticed how the "big boys" were oppressing each other with expensive drinks, caskets of drinks kept moving, champagne with pyrotechnics were on almost every table including ours, I wasn't bothered about how we got drinks, I was more concerned about my toothache and it felt like every nerve was connected to the tooth, touch my back and I would feel the pain in my tooth.
      "Papi, Oya take and drink, it'll ease the pain" Tolu said, as she mixed Jack Daniel's with Coke, I took a sip, it tasted so good. That was how I forgot about the toothache and took a swig, my-oh-my!!! The way I dashed out of the club, you would think I was "Flash", the drink had found it's way to the bad tooth and voila! Some violent reaction had taken place in the tooth and the pain spread through my whole body, the bouncers asked what happened, I couldn't even talk, I just kept pacing with a clenched fist and one hand on my cheek, the pain was just too epic to be concerned about anything else.
One of the bouncers gave me "alabukun" and asked me to pour over the tooth, anything to ease the pain, I did as instructed, the pain increased for a while but within two minutes, the pain was no more. Tolu and Ada came to meet me outside.
      "First thing in the morning we are going to the dentist to take out the tooth, pele dear" Tolu said.
      "My Papi, sorry" Ada added.
As we made to go back inside, one lady from nowhere came and dragged Ada back, we all turned to see.
      "You think I won't find you, boyfriend snatcher like you" the lady yelled.
      "I beg your pardon, who are you?" Ada asked.
      "I am Olaide, Ken's fiancee and I know you very well, you are Banke, the video vixen , you've been sending nudes to my fiancee abi, ashewo" The lady added.
After exchanging words, the lady finally realized Ada wasn't the supposed Banke, but rather than apologize, she just hissed and made for the entrance of the club, that set me off, I was about to confront her, when I saw the most interesting thing I had ever seen in my life. Apparently the bouncers refused her entry, then she slapped one and immediately, he took his shirt off and ran, there and then I changed my mind about confronting her. We unanimously agreed it would be best to go home.
That was about last night, I still wondered what happened to the bouncer, a bouncer that was well built, more muscular than many WWE wrestlers, there are indeed mysteries in this world.
      "Papi, wake up" I turned to see the three women in my life Tolu, Ada & Ekaette (My Mom is not a woman, she's an angel)
      "Good morning" I mumbled, the toothache was back.
      "Awwwn, my Papi can't even speak well, baby, I'm taking you to the dentist this morning" Ada said.
      "Chai! You won't be able to chew food again, only custard and pap" Tolu added
      "Ignore her, Tolu be nice" Ada said.
      "Abeggi, the truth is bitter, brace yourself young man, be brave, be strong" Tolu replied as she patted my shoulder, Ekaette looked at me and couldn't hold back the laughter, my expression must have been out of this world.
Tolu dropped us off at the Dentist's, while she and Ekaette went to the market. The queue inside was quite long and I thought to myself "so this much people suffer toothaches, wow!"
      "Papi just wait here" Ada said, then she went to the beginning of the queue, a few smiles here, a few words there, then she beckoned to me to come, I went and I was allowed to be second in line, amidst shouts and grumblings- Lagosians weren't ones to be this nice, but I wasn't bothered, Ada made some sign-language gestures and I just nodded, I had no idea what they meant. My turn came, I went in, the dentist gave me analgesics, took the bad tooth out, then gave me prescriptions and my business there was done. I met Ada at the reception, she made us leave the place hurriedly , we strolled to an eatery nearby to wait for Tolu to come pick us. Ada made me forget my pain, you know when one lady has beauty, brains & humor? Yeah! That was Ada, she had a funny way of analyzing everyone in the eatery and predicting their next action, I laughed my pain off.
      "Time to crash your date" Tolu said from behind.
      "Ohhhh, why did you come now and where's Ekaette?" Ada asked
      "Dropped her off at home, buy me food & I'll leave you guys a while longer" Tolu answered
      "Thief!!! Papi dear, we'll fix another date soon" Ada said
      "Because you no wan buy me food abi, I'll deal with you" Tolu added
      "So where are we going?" Ada asked.
      "To the airport, looks like we''ve got cargo." Tolu replied.
In the car, I thought about the tooth and the queue and how we would still have been there if Ada hadn't done what she did, then the question "what did she do?"
      "Ada" I called.
      "Yes dear"
      "I'm curious, what did you tell those people that allowed me into the queue?"
      "Hahaha, I just told them you were my deaf & dumb brother." Ada replied.
      "What!!! You're kidding, right?" Tolu asked
      "No I'm serious, the queue was way too long, I had to use Lagos sense Na" Ada said, Tolu burst into laughter, I did too.
      "Wait! How come Papi didn't know this was what happened, without getting busted?"
      "You know he could barely talk, that was what I capitalized on & secretly prayed he won't talk & respond to anything he heard, and he played the part well" Ada explained.
      "Ada, you're a case ooo" Tolu said, still
laughing.
      "Hehehe, when I saw him coming out, I quickly dragged him out of the building" Ada added. It all made sense now.
We got to the airport and from the car park I could see airplanes on ground, this was my first time, It felt fascinating and I marveled at how one human controlled something as big as that.
      "Okay first I want to see one Dana cabin executive, then I'll take the airport shuttle to the international wing, so you guys can continue your date at the food court" Tolu said.
     "Awww, sweet, Papi shall we?" Ada said, Tolu just sighed, shook her head then walked away.
We got to the food court, and as usual Ada was cracking me up with her analysis, we ate and had all the fun we could, then Tolu joined us.
From the airport we headed back home, Ekaette heard the deaf and dumb story and was craughing (Cry + Laugh... Don't argue with me).
      "Papi, Ada turn you to deaf and dumb brother" Ekaette said, still laughing
      "Ekaette come on, be nice" Ada said.
      "Hehehehe, and Papi acted well, Nollywood should discover your talent ASAP!" Tolu added.
      "Papi don't mind them" Ada said.
      "Please call Osy, you men should use man power to open this padlock" Tolu said, I tried all I could but it didn't open then I got Osy.
      "Na so u go dey carry chest up and down, simple padlock u no fit open" Osy said.
      "If you open am, I give you 5k" I added.
      "I don chop your money, I go use my military training and experience open am" Osy replied. For over 45 minutes, he couldn't open it.
      "Na to saw am ooo" Osy said, breathing heavily from trying to knock the padlock open.
      "So Oga Osy, all your military talk and you no fit open ordinary padlock" Tolu said
      "Small madam, Na only saw fit open am" Osy replied.
      "Only saw?" Tolu asked
      "Yes, only saw" Osy answered
      "So you mean say I no fit open am?" Tolu asked.
      "E too sure say una no fit" Osy replied.
      "You go bet your salary?" Tolu asked
      "Yes, I wan bet" Typical Osy being the chronic gambler that he was.
Tolu got some oil into the padlock, then put a lit candle I don't where exactly, all I know is oil, fire and the padlock opened.
I thought about the lady that slapped the bouncer and he ran, I thought about how Ada made up a deaf & dumb story that moved me from 15th to 2nd on a queue, then Tolu opening a padlock with oil and fire. One lesson I learned, don't underestimate the strength of a Lagos babe.