Sallah Skit

I had a main chic and many side chics, yes "many side chics", wait! don't judge me just yet except you've never stolen meat from your Mother's pot before. Ladies always kept on coming even though they knew I had a girlfriend (call me a baller, call me a player, if two can play the game, then we're gonn' do multiplayer). Anyway as I was narrating, among the "many side chics" were my beloved muslimahs- Yetunde (Aminat), Bisi (Zainab) & Lara (Karimat). The three of them had promised me the best sallah treatment ever, whatever "best sallah treatment" meant I was so eager to find out. This was the plan, sallah was on thursday, my main girlfriend said she was sleeping over on tuesday, then I would sleep over at hers on wednesday, by first light on thursday I would be back at my crib, preparing for the groove on thursday & friday, thursday afternoon would be for Bisi, we would go to her family house together, pack as much meat as possible, get drinks on the way to my house, with Bisi in my house, one thing always led to another and something always happened, no matter how short, even if she just wanted to plug her phone down and come back later, we just couldnt resist each other. So Bisi owned thursday afternoon, while Yetunde owned thursday night, we planned a scrabble match for thursday night- truth is, we had never ever completed any scrabble match- it always started with a look, then a seductive smile from her, her diastema plus dimples plus her eyes always knocked the network out of my brain. Lara said she would bring my share of the meat to my house, then cook efo riro for me, so I could get energy (don't ask what I needed the energy for -_-, some things are way too complex for your minds *tongue out*), then my main girlfriend had friday night till there was a new plan. Elaborate plan, everything was perfect. One thing was when my main girlfriend complained about other ladies disturbing me, I made it clear to her that she was the main one that I gave everything---- Okay we are digressing!!!
Tuesday came, my girlfriend slept over as planned, wow! it was wonderful with her as was always the case, but something happened on wednesday morning, I discovered Lara, Yetunde & Bisi had sent racy messages after I had slept, what I didnt understand was how the messages indicated they had been read already, I waved it aside, perhaps I had read them under the influence of sleep, but what if my girlfriend had read them? I looked at my girlfriend, she was her usual sweet self, I shrugged, she wouldnt be this sweet if she had read it.
We headed to my girlfriend's place where she prepared edikangikong with pounded yam, my oh my! She gave me first class treatment after the meal, that was some bomb se... (Wait! are kids reading this?), At night we did barbeque with red wine, I kept downing red wine till I passed out.
Next day I was out, on my way home to go prepare for Bisi, everything was working out just the way I planned, but something was added to the plan, I dont know who tweaked the plan or added to it, but on friday night,  it was supposed to be my girlfriend and I, I finished taking a bath, went into my room to find Yetunde, Bisi, Lara & My girlfriend, my jaw couldn't help but drop
      "Baby come and join us in bed" my girlfriend said. I wondered how they knew each other.
       "Or don't you like us, don't you just want to have fun with us? Lara asked. This was a once in many lifetimes' opportunity and I intended to use judiciously. Just as I made to kiss my girlfriend.
        "......vitals are good, he's coming round, Dayo can you hear me? can you see me?" Someone was saying.
        "Doctor is his hard-on a good sign or a side effect?" I heard my girlfriend's voice. I was confused, one minute I was about to enjoy a foursome, whatever happened next, I don't know. I opened my eyes and took in my surrounding, I was actually in a hospital, like that realization wasnt enough, I saw Lara, Bisi, Yetunde & my girlfriend together again, that was the most confused moment in my life.
You see, from that point where I passed out at my girlfriend's, the rest of the events were a dream (somebody please play Nelly- Just A Dream here). My girlfriend had read those messages, then she drugged me, I passed out and was unconscious for two good days.
My girlfriend kissed me on the bed, then whispered in my ear "don't miss with an angel, or she could be the end of you boo".
I stared at the ceiling, *sigh* so that's how I missed sallah, still looking at the ceiling and wondering why I keep getting psychos as girlfriends *sighs*.

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