About Naija Wedding Ceremonies By @Peero007

I'm adding this wedding idea to my archive.😁😁😁

I’m back again, first I started with the funny wedding souvenirs one gets at Naija weddings, then the new trend in marriage proposals, you know, about gathering the whole world to witness you proposing and all, then I ranted about pre-wedding photo-madness (sorry, I meant photo-shoot) today I’ll rant briefly about Naija wedding ceremonies. If you ask me, I’ll say Naija wedding ceremonies are overrated, I mean overrated to the extreme, way too extreme.  I always wonder why wedding ceremonies have to be the way they are, the first part of the wedding ceremony that irks me is the “aso ebi”, why don’t they just pick a color and tell the guests to come dressed in that color? Why do we have to have a uniform? Why do I get treated differently if I don’t wear the aso ebi? Is it really about uniformity or just an avenue to extort guests, perhaps “extort” is a strong word, maybe I should say “is it about uniformity, or it’s a means to get financial support for the wedding?”  I learned this aso ebi comes in different grades according to your pocket. We are not here to talk about “aso ebi” anyway.

Next time you’re at a Naija wedding ceremony, please observe the eye movements, actions and countenance of the groom, about 85% of them force smiles throughout the ceremony, some even weep and you’ll think they are tears of joy, tears of joy my foot, the dude is obviously looking at everyone and trying to do a mental calculation of how many of them he knows, he sees he doesn’t know most of them, his mind begins to race, he remembers the post-wedding debts he’ll face, he looks at the bride’s face, sees her grinning from ear to ear and doesn’t even look disturbed, at that moment one tiny particle enters brother’s eye, a tear makes way and boom! Oga starts to weep uncontrollably (this hasn’t been scientifically proven….yet).

I was taking shredded turkey peppersoup the other day when I heard about an 8 million naira wedding, it hit me so hard, I sneezed, have you ever sneezed while eating peppery food? The pepper felt like it entered my brain, it sure did come out through my nose. “8 Million Naira Wedding” What the effing hell!!!? I know someone will say “It’s because you don’t have the money, if you had it, you would even spend more” Who told you I don’t have the money? Anyway Naija Weddings I’ve come to realize isn’t about having “the money”, A lot of them borrow and even owe for services rendered, after the wedding, you’ll see the event planners &  vendors running after the couple for their balance, then the people the couple borrowed from would also need their money back. I’m left wondering why it’s necessary to spend so much and be in debts after, you’ll spend all that money for your wedding and on that day, the wicked people from your village or your partner’s  will send one evil spiritual gift (let’s not go spiritual). Well how anyone chooses to spend his money is nobody’s business though, so if you want to use all your life’s savings on your wedding, by all means do.

If my future boo (as you all know I'm booless at the moment 😒) allows me, we’ll get married like the picture above or it’ll be on an airplane on the way to our first honeymoon stop, invited guests who love us enough to honor our invitation will handle their travel documents themselves, in-flight refreshment & all, and the moment we touchdown at our destination, all man for himself. (Unrealistic right? Well let’s see if the future bae agrees with the idea first) I’m not interested in having a huge crowd or trying to impress people, I’ll have a good wedding, I won’t borrow and I won’t be in debts due the wedding, then my Wife and I will leave happily ever after (that’s the most important thing). In order to cut costs, just in case my wedding idea doesn’t work, I have decided to be good friends with events managers, makeup artists, caterers, DJs and Musicians. I think I need friends that own events’ halls, ermmm if you have any events's Hall owner friend that you're not using again, please introduce us.

Did I hear someone talk about bridal trains? No be only bridal train, una no like bridal ship or bridal "aelonprane".... Mbok I'm out of here, feel free to anti-rant my rant 🚶🚶🚶🚶🚶🚶