About Asoebi Wahala By @Peero007

This is beginning to look like a wedding series first it was the “Owambe Souvenirs” post, then “Marriage Proposals” from there we talked “About pre-wed photo-madness” and also “About Naija Wedding Ceremonies”, we can’t rant about all these and leave out “Asoebi Wahala”. You know in Nigeria, we are very “industrious”, so “industrious” that we see business in everything, I mean every/any venture can be an avenue to make money even if it entails extortion.

There I was in the comfort and privacy of my bedroom, earpiece in ear enjoying music while working on my mobile device, a call came in. Below is the transcript of the conversation.

      Me: Hello

      Caller: Hey ‘Dewale, how far na?

      Me: Bro I dey o, how your side?

      Caller: my side bam.

      Me: toh, e ku  palemo oo

      Caller: My brother, thanks jare, e no easy ooo, this wedding thing just dey drain me.

      Me: Pele, you need rest.

      Caller: Yes, financial rest.

      Me: *Laughs*

      Caller: Its not a laughing matter mehnn.

     Me: It is well.

     Caller: Abi, anyway I called to inform you, please I need you as one of the groomsmen, na beg I dey      beg oo

     Me: o….kay and what would be required of me?

     Caller: You’ll buy the suit and asoebi.

     Me: how much?

     Caller: We went for a cheap designer suit.

     Me: Oga, how much ooo?

     Caller: The whole ensemble is just 155K.

I wasn’t sure whether I heard 15k or not so to be on the safe side I asked.

     Me: 15K? okay and how much is the aso ebi.

    Caller: not 15k ooo, 155K, my baby will call you about the asoebi later, I think that one is 45k and 5k for the cap, anyway she’ll call you to tell you the real cost.

    Me: hmmmm

    Caller: Alright Bro, thanks for your support, I really appreciate. Later na

-Hangs Up-

You don’t have to be an igbo man or Ijebu person to do the calculations, 155000 + 45000 + 5000 = 205000 naira. So I was expected to part with my hard earned two hundred and five thousand naira for stuff I would wear only once, yeah once ‘cause I’m not a suit person and I don’t wear asoebis after the party it was intended for. I sat back and took a while to ponder while trying to understand the logic behind paying such an exorbitant sum for a wedding, anyway different strokes; different folks (or is it the other way round?)

It’s not just about the prices of some of these asoebi, there are some other questionable factors surrounding it, like why do they have to pick what I call crazy colors? I know red, yellow, green, blue, white, brown, black & grey (basically) but while you’re still thinking about going to the market to get your own asoebi yourself, they drop the color combination bomb like “Mango yellow with Sand Brown” or “Onion violet with Palmoil Red” or “Mayonnaise Cream with Cement Gray” and other out-of-this-world colors.

 At this point you know going to the market yourself would prove abortive, so you’re left with two options and those are 1. Drop the money 2. Forfeit the asoebi and maybe the wedding too. Picking the second option will lead to another questionable factor which is if you decide not to buy the asoebi, “you may” be seen as not wanting to support the wedding/ceremony, you may be vindicated if you make an appearance at the ceremony but there’s also the likelihood that you won’t get food/souvenirs as there’s an unwritten clause that ties your asoebi with food & souvenir (but there are cases where you may spend all your life’s savings on asoebi and still not get anything). I remember one wedding where I spent 30k to get the asoebi, 2k for the cap and 8k to sew everything. When it was time for the tailor to sew my stuff, he suddenly fell ill and my material was abandoned , reluctantly I went to the wedding like that and it was one of my worst owambe experiences, I had been craving party jollof for a while, but those serving kept on bypassing me and serving others like I wasn’t there, in the end I had just a box of matches to show I had attended the wedding,

To prove to you that I’m not the only one that has rants about asoebi, I’ll quote some people I asked about their asoebi experiences. 

      "Most times I settle for Aso-ebi to makeup for colours I don't have already in my wardrobe, this time it was a close friend's wedding, to show I cared, I asked about aso ebi and the price to me was crazily expensive! However I had one of the attire color in my wardrobe already and offered to buy the other I didn't have, well she didn't agree, @ a point I had to tell her I don't buy what I don't need and she got angry and said I shouldn't bother blah blah, to forestall any form of tension I just had to bulge and really it wasn't funny. As I still consider it a waste."  -Anonymous, Lagos.

      "You see me in one yellow lace like that on my IG? I bought that low quality lace for 7k and she even comot one yard from everybody's own, yet we no collect even biro as souvenir. Plus na fight we fight before we see food chop, Later got to know that lace is less than 3k for the complete yards in d market"- McLouise, Lagos

     “hmmm, my dear, no be small thing ooo, my very good friend was preparing for her engagement, you know I’m a makeup artist, I did the makeup for her and others for free, when it got to the wedding, she said I must buy asoebi, see ehnnn 50k is not an easy thing to pay for asoebi…I told her I would gladly pay half, she refused ooo, it caused serious wahala, she said if I didn’t buy I shouldn’t come to her wedding… me wey no well before, I was like “what the f**k?”… Anway, I was too broke to start bothering my head & borrowing isn’t in my vocab…that’s how I became her enemy”- Annie, Lagos.

      “My cousin was doing her wedding, I took it upon myself to handle catering, sewing of her wedding dress, hall decorations and makeup. I almost died of exhaustion that period, can you believe this babe made me pay a huge sum for the asoebi, I was so pissed…I’m still pissed sef, but you know family talks na”- BiBi, Lagos.

      “Loooool, Peter, this asoebi talk is just what my friend and I were discussing this morning, I think our friend that’s about to get married is overdoing the asoebi thing oooo….60K for lace??? Will the lace lead me to heaven? That someone is financially stable doesn’t mean we shouldn’t apply sense to spending na, me I’m not buying ooo”- Bella, Abuja.

So, I’m most definitely not the only one that thinks the asoebi thing is overrated, in fact I am of the opinion that the I.C.P.C and E.F.C.C. should step into the matter as this in itself is a “corrupt” practice that should be dealt with accordingly.

If my plan for my wedding goes as planned, there’ll be no need for asoebi, read to know the type of wedding I want. If I have my way, I’ll dress in jeans, t-shirt, boots and a face-cap for my wedding, Why must it be a suit & tie affair?

Feel free to drop your own rants or counter-rants in the comments section, you can now comment as a “guest”.