The Chronicles of Papi: Back in Lagos

Papi- Back in Lagos

My mission to the village did not go as planned. The original plan was to storm the village and impress those villagers, but the reverse was the case, I was oppressed out of the village by my parents and cousins, but I did not allow that depress me, rather I was determined to just go back to Lagos and brood (Were you expecting some motivational desire to inspire so you can acquire what you require before you retire without getting tired crap?)

The trip to the village was awesome and comfortable, even though my heart was in my mouth throughout the flight, but you see the trip back to Lagos- My God! I suffered, I mean I saw terrible things on the bus I boarded. It all started when a woman with 5 children got on the bus and paid for only the space she was occupying, and without asking whether I was okay with the arrangement, she asked me to carry two of the children, two squeezed themselves between us, while she carried the last child. It was one ordeal to deal with two children on my legs, and even more uncomfortable with the two squeezed in between their Mother and I (did I mention that she was on the big side? Oh! She was large), but it only got worse when I felt something warm trickle down my leg- Alas! One of the children who was snoozing away, had emptied his bladder on me, and that made me livid. To make matters worse, their mother said “na your brother, he don bless you, one day you sef go born your own”, and every other person in the bus laughed (I really do not know whether they were laughing at what the woman said, or laughing at the fact that the child peed on me)

I remembered I had a phone, and took it out to enjoy myself for the rest of the trip. I saw a message from one of the ladies I had been trying so hard to impress, and smiled. I replied her message and then we began chatting. The chat was going on smoothly, and I was beginning to think I was close to the pot of gold, till she asked where I was- now, a normal human being would have said he/she was on the bus heading back to Lagos, but perhaps that child’s urine or my village people had decided to visit my case again, because rather than mention that I was on a bus, I told her I was on a plane, on my flight back to Lagos (don’t even make noise with the ahhhs and hmmms, do not mock my naivety or I will invoke Hela, Thor’s half sister on you!).

“Wait, so you’re on air now?” She asked

“Yes, the sky is so blueeee, wow! You need to see the view” I answered

“Like the aircraft is on air right now?”  She asked

“That’s right” I replied with a cool smiley

“I thought you would be different though” She said

“Different? I don’t understand.” I responded

“You know, my Dad and two brothers are pilots, so that lie was totally unnecessary, plus you’re also calling me stupid indirectly. To think I was beginning to like you” She said. 

At first I was confused and then I remembered how we were asked to turn our phones off, and how I even took out the battery on my flight to the village “How could I be so stupid?” I thought to tell her I was just pulling her legs, but realized she had blocked me already. That was how I lost a fine girl, one from a rich home, just because I wanted to impress her- It wasn’t my fault though, it must have been the child’s urine, or perchance an evil person in the village had access to my property and was using it against me spiritually. Whatever the case was, it was Me- 0, village people- 1.

The journey to Lagos was one I never wanted to experience again, imagine picking the day when RCCG had a program at the redemption camp to travel to Lagos, I suffered! We got to the bus park at 12am, and I thought rather than go through the ordeal of looking for transportation at that odd hour, I could just stay at the park till it was dawn. I called Ekaette to let her know I was in Lagos already.

“Eky lolo” I said

“hahaha! Papi, you don come again, which name be that? Where you dey sef?” Ekaette asked

“See as your voice sharp, you never sleep? I don enter Lagos oo” I responded

“Yay! My person don land! You don dey near house?” She asked

“No ooo, I go chill for park till morning” I said

“Why na? Do Uber na” She said

“Who be Uba?” I asked (do not, I repeat, do not mock my naivety)

“Hahaha! You never change, no be Uba, na Uber, no worry, just tell me where you dey, I go find Uber for you from here”  She said

“Okay, but wetin e be na?” I asked

“Na tush cab, I go use the app for my phone send one go where you dey” She explained

“oh okay” I answered

About 15 minutes after speaking with Ekaette, the Uber finally came, and I was on my way home to Ekaette and Tolu. I asked a lot of questions before I got into the cab, because I did not understand why and how a ride that clean was a cab, and the Uber driver instantly knew I was new to the system. As the cab meandered its way through the roads of Lagos, my mind wandered to Ekaette, and my body could not help but respond to the memories of our intimate moments, and for some strange reason I imagined sharing those intimate moments with my crush- Adaeze. I created images of Adaeze and I in my head, and wondered what it would really feel like to be taken by her, the way Ekaette had taken me.

“We are here” the Cabbie said

“Oh okay, how much is my t fare?” I asked. The guy looked at me and smiled

“Oh it’s supposed to be 12,000 naira, but because your Sister is someone I know very well, bring 8000 naira- You know with the AC, music, and I had to use my experience to avoid a lot of traffic” The Uber driver said, and I reasoned with him, but as a Lagos bobo, I couldn’t let it go like that, I had to haggle the price.

“Chairman, abeg do am for your boy, I’m just coming from the East, and I have spent all my money, what I have here is just 4k” I said, sounding like a sharp guy

“My dear, I gave you premium VIP service, this is not pepper that they price” the Uber driver said angrily.

“It’s 4k I have, unless you’ll wait let me call the person that called you to come add the rest” I said stubbornly

“No need to call, just bring the 4k like that and let me leave here” He said. At that point, the alarms in my head should have gone off, but there were no alarms in my head anyway.

Feeling glad about the fact that I had used Lagos bobo sense for the Uber driver, I gave him the 4,000 naira, and he zoomed off. I laughed at the transaction that had just happened “to survive in Lagos, you need to be very smart” I told myself, as I dialed Ekaette’s number.

“Eky Mama, I don dey gate” I said

“My Papi don show ooo!!!” She responded excitedly

I got to my room and felt so happy about being back home. A tray of food was waiting for me “home sweet home” I mused.

“Wey Madam Tolu?” I asked

“She go one block party with your crush Ada” she responded

“Oh okay” I answered, hiding my blush because she called Adaeze my crush.

“You go chop first before you bath or bath before you chop?” Ekaette asked.

“Make I shower first” I answered.

“Oya come make I massage you inside bathroom” She said with a smile that spelt seduction.

We got into the bathroom and at the end of the bathroom session with Ekaette (Comment below if you want details about what went down in the bathroom), I felt refreshed and renewed.

“Kai, my Papi, welcome- chop make you sleep, or if you want more massage, I dey room” Ekaette said and left, I watched her buxom self walked out, and my body craved more of her, but food first.

 After eating, I dozed off and had the best sleep I had not had since I left the house for the vacation. Sleep was so deep that I dreamt and in the dream I was on the bed with Tolu and Adaeze laying on either side, while Ekaette stood in her see through nightie and was smiling, they were talking and smiling.

“Just look at this guy’s body, see the muscles and packs- damn!” Adaeze said

“Adaeze you have started again, you want to be his sugar Aunty?” Tolu added

“I have this wild and nasty idea in my head, I’m just curious to try it out” Adaeze said, as she ran her hand over my body. By default, my body responded to the touch, and then I opened my eyes and realized it was no dream- and then I shut my eyes and turned the other way and bang! My erection poked Tolu’s big bum. I stood up immediately and looked round, taking my environment in, as usual Ekaette was laughing hard.

“Ashawo, small touch, your thing is already rock hard, go and urinate and brush, and then come and give us the gist that brought us to camp in your bed with you ooo” Tolu said.

“Papi hug me with your morning glory dear” Adaeze said and pulled me unto her

Okay, this story is beginning to digress to something else, so I’ll just cut the tape there, I succeeded in making all of them laugh till they rolled on the floor. The painful part about the whole thing was when I realized that Ekaette had already paid for the Uber, and that I had been conned, you see, there are levels to this Lagos bobo thing, and I just didn’t know my level.

Up Next “Experience Cardi B”